The Don't Give Reasons Rule

Why "No" is a complete sentence.

The Trap of Giving Reasons

Here’s something that changed how I handle pushy people: stop giving reasons for your decisions. stop giving reasons for your decisions.

When someone pushes back on your boundaries, the natural response is to explain yourself:

"I can’t visit this weekend because I have work to catch up on"
"I don’t want to go because I’m feeling overwhelmed lately"
"I can’t lend you money because my budget is tight this month"

Seems reasonable, right? Wrong.

What Happens When You Give Reasons

The moment you provide a reason, you:

Invite negotiation – you’re suggesting your decision is up for debate
Give them ammunition – reasons can be attacked or dismissed
Imply they have authority – like you need their approval
Create loopholes – they’ll find exceptions to your reason
Weaken your position – you sound uncertain or guilty

How This Plays Out

You: "I can’t visit because I have work commitments."

Them: "But you could do that work on Sunday instead, or just take a break for once!"

You: "I don’t want to lend money because I’m saving for a trip."

Them: "But this is an emergency, and your trip isn’t until next year!"

See the problem? Every reason becomes a starting point for negotiation.

The Power of No Reasons

Instead, try:

"I won’t be visiting this weekend."
"I’m not available to lend money right now."
"That doesn’t work for me."
"I’ve decided not to."

Then stop talking.

But Won’t I Seem Rude?

This is the fear that keeps people trapped in over-explaining. Here’s the truth:

Rude people think clear boundaries are rude. Healthy people respect them.

You’re not being rude — you’re being clear. The discomfort you feel is just unfamiliarity, not evidence you’re doing something wrong.

When to Break This Rule

There are times when giving context is appropriate:

With people who consistently respect your boundaries
When you want to offer information — not justification
In close relationships where transparency builds connection

The key is: Are you explaining because you want to, or because you feel pressured to?

The Result

Manipulative people have nothing to argue with
You feel more confident in your decisions
Boundary-pushers learn to respect your "no"
You waste less energy on circular arguments
Your decisions feel more solid and final

Remember

You don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you live your life. Your "no" doesn’t need their approval to be valid.

Practice it: “That doesn’t work for me.” Period.

← Read the BGSE Principle